Zoe wrote: Hi Adam! Great story! I got a good and detailed image of Jordan. Too bad for Jordan he must be humiliated now!. Great story Adam I recommend for everyone to read this amazing story! Mrs Parker wrote: fantastic to see you writing in your own time, Adam. Poor Jordan, hard to act cool when you've spilled your milkshake everywhere :-)
4 of September 2012
Walt: Show not tell
Tell: Jordan spilt his drink.
Show: Jordan was eagar to try the new Straw-berry, Bannana and chocolate whirl milkshake. He had saw the ad on T.V and couldn't wait to try it. His mouth was watering at the thought of it. He fiddled with the number-card placed on the table acting like it was a trophy, when Kate the waitress came with the milkshake and she laughed. Jordan blushed, Kate was a girl from school he liked.
She smiled and walked away. Jordan was extremely embarrassed. So he sat down thinking how he was going to brag about how he was the first one to try new Berry-Bannana-choc whirl. When Kate walked past. Jordan tryed to look cool leaning in his back in his chair when he slipped and the milkshake spilt all over him!
Now he was so embarrassed he ran out of the store and got in his car. He saw Kate laughing. He didn't want to brag about the milkshake anymore.
Zoe wrote: Hi Adam! Great story! I got a good and detailed image of Jordan. Too bad for Jordan he must be humiliated now!. Great story Adam I recommend for everyone to read this amazing story!
Mrs Parker wrote: fantastic to see you writing in your own time, Adam. Poor Jordan, hard to act cool when you've spilled your milkshake everywhere :-)
4 of September 2012
Walt: Show not tell
Tell: Jordan spilt his drink.
Show: Jordan was eagar to try the new Straw-berry, Bannana and chocolate whirl milkshake. He had saw the ad on T.V and couldn't wait to try it. His mouth was watering at the thought of it. He fiddled with the number-card placed on the table acting like it was a trophy, when Kate the waitress came with the milkshake and she laughed. Jordan blushed, Kate was a girl from school he liked.
She smiled and walked away. Jordan was extremely embarrassed. So he sat down thinking how he was going to brag about how he was the first one to try new Berry-Bannana-choc whirl. When Kate walked past. Jordan tryed to look cool leaning in his back in his chair when he slipped and the milkshake spilt all over him!
Now he was so embarrassed he ran out of the store and got in his car. He saw Kate laughing. He didn't want to brag about the milkshake anymore.
By writing genius: Adam Chatwin.